Grateful

Five weeks ago today marks the time from the morning of my sudden brain hemorrhage.  We are so very grateful for the way things have turned out given the scary circumstance and feel God's goodness and protection in many many ways.  When I look back on the past year, I see his hand in lots of little details preparing us for this time...like Patrick's move to a new (and wonderful) firm which has provided us excellent health insurance (10 days in the ICU is not cheap) as well as the flexibility for him to take lots of time off, the selling of our small business a few months ago, having only one week left to finish for our school year when the bleed occurred (Sophie got a freebie!), and countless other little things that have been and continue to be so comforting to think about during this crazy experience.  I feel I have been given a second chance to live life.  Life for sure is a gift and can change in the blink of an eye...

Monday morning, May 23rd:
Patrick had just brought me a cup of coffee in bed around 7: 15.  He had lovingly been getting up with the kiddos every morning so that I could sleep in a little being in my third trimester.  I sat up to drink my coffee and in a matter of seconds an intense pain instantly hit the back of my head.  It quickly spread forward and then down my neck.  I told Patrick at first that I had a sudden headache that I thought was really weird since headaches usually build slowly.  He Googled "third trimester migraine" on his phone.  The point at which the pain spread down my neck I knew something was really wrong.  After calling my OB we left very quickly for the ER and thankfully were seen almost immediately once checked in.  The pain continued to get worse which I didn't think was possible.  Definitely worse than two all natural childbirths combined.  The narcotics they gave me to manage the pain did nothing.  Being 32 weeks pregnant complicated things tremendously.  The tests and drugs which normally would have been given had to be weighed carefully with the risks to the baby.  I eventually had an MRI done which came back normal.  A short time later another type of MRI scan, an MRV, was ordered and revealed the "sub-arachnoid" bleeding in my brain.  I vaguely recall a flurry of doctors/nurses and being taken to the ICU which would be my new home for the next 10 days.  My massive headache continued until around 9:45pm when I was finally given just the right combo of narcotics and steroids.  I didn't sleep at all that night or the following (due to the heavy dose of steroids), but was so happy to be pain free that I gladly watched the clock tick. 

After three cerebral angiograms (a test where contrast dye is shot up through the femoral artery into the brain and then x-ray ed) over the the course of 10 days it appears "highly unlikely" that the bleed was caused by an aneurysm.  Great news for sure, but what did cause it?  Well, no one really knows.  Comforting?  Not so much, but the fact that I have a greater chance of being struck by lightening twice brings a bit of reassurance.  Apparently I had the rarest of all brain hemorrhages as well as the most benign and with no discernible cause.  Couple that with my age, pregnancy, no family history, nor any recent head trauma and I am probably one of 5 in which this has ever occurred.  I'm an "anomaly"!  Yes, just what I was going for of course.

My wonderful neurologist said the recovery time would be a minimum of 4 weeks.  I have felt pretty well the last week other than being REALLY pregnant and ready for the baby to come.  My strength is slowly but surely coming back, along with my ability to concentrate on things (such as reading/writing).  We have been pleasantly surprised that I have not had many headaches (which were expected) since returning home.   

The hospital care we received was incredible.  The ICU nurses were amazing, along with the nurses from labor/delivery who came to monitor the baby three times per day.  Aside from some differing opinions between my neurologist and neuro-surgeon, the care from multiple physicians was also phenomenal.  I am super grateful for the providers from my OB practice and the care they have shown through this whole ordeal.  I'll obviously be seeing a lot more of them in the very near future... 

While the time in the hospital was incredibly difficult for me personally and for our family, I honestly would not change one thing about it.  There was and continues to be a good purpose in it and we are so very grateful for the Lord's healing.

Our children did beautifully considering that I had never been away from any of them for more than 36 hours.  That was probably the hardest part of my hospital stay - just missing them terribly, especially on Thomas' birthday.  Patrick and I decided that the next time we are apart from them for 10 days it will be for a vacation!  A wise friend said "you guys really need to get out more!"  Yes, indeed. 

We are overwhelmed by the amount of help that has come from both near and far.  Thankful does not even begin to do justice to our family, friends, and neighbors.  Childcare, meals, yard work, notes, flowers, treats, care packages etc. have been given so generously.  Above all we have felt the prayers of many and are so appreciative for the constant support.

Being home with our family has been a wonderful step up from the ICU as I continue to rest and heal.  Each day I am amazed at how my perspective on life, marriage and motherhood has changed.  Grateful beyond words sums it up.

"This God - his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield to those who take refuge in him."
- 2 Samuel 22:31